The Feather Tamer
by thestoicwarrior
Summary: Pure air, pure magic. Nothing else has ever had the power over Lily as flying by feathers does. Well, not since her last romance. Not that she'd tell anyone that. PostHogwarts. AU. LJ.
1. Prolouge

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

Prologue: A taste of Lily's mind

I grabbed the feather. This is it, I thought. How that thought made me even more nervous. I took three giant leaps (which, in all honesty, makes me giggle every time I do to this- muggles and wizards think they're so different from one another when really, everyone thinks with the same pattern) and flung myself upward. I could feel the wind catch under me, the magic that intertwined the feather lifting me upward. Magic swooped in and out of my legs and arms. The wind brushed past my hair (making me a little nauseous, to be honest) as I grew higher and higher.

I could see the class down below me. They were taking off at different rates. It's amazing how the guys can be so proud of themselves while on brooms, but give them a feather lift and they're completely different people. I could see James Potter start wobbly before heading above the forest. (I secretly hoped he'd lose his balance and end up eaten by bowtruckles. Who needs both their eyes anyway? Maybe he'd stop seeing everything finally. I swear, Potter knew what was going on where for everything interesting (read: gossip-related) that happened at Hogwarts. He brushed it off as him being 'all-knowing'. It grated my nerves.)

I started to get used to the airborne feeling, it reminded me of swimming. I could kick one leg and the magic would wrap it's tentacles around my leg and pierce the air, propelling me towards the side. If I waved the feather downwards I'd rise higher and higher. Brooms seemed more efficient to me-you didn't have to constantly keep moving them to avoid falling. But I guess I preferred feathers, I always have.

I caught sight of a creek I hadn't known was around Hogwarts and followed it. The bends in the water flow looked so majestic that I couldn't stop following it. I figured if I ever got the chance I'd see how far it went (and hoped I wouldn't tire out on the way-I wouldn't want to fall out of the air onto some poor muggle village). One could get used to this, I thought.

Just then, a raindrop hit my nose and I came back to my senses. What was I supposed to be doing? Taking a quick lap to get used to the feather. Check. Working on maneuvering through the wind. Check. Staying close to the class so I wouldn't miss the end of the period. Oops.

I turned around and sailed back and the rain started to get heavier. Scotland weather always peaved me. Why would you build a castle where the ground is frozen half the year and the wind bites through most of the year? For all the purebloods favored themselves, they sure can be idiots.

Or maybe I'm just biased. Everyone is always like "oh muggle-lover this" or "you mudblood that". Really, it's just annoying. Mudblood, mudblood, mudblood. It has no effect on me anymore. I've only been here a year but it's taken less than that to grow callous to pureblood antics. They're starting to lose their creativity.

As I flew back down I could hear everyone's excitement. An hour feeling like a bird-without a human's worries, without a human's hold on the ground-had everyone aloft.

...

As everyone filed in the Great Hall for dinner, the noise of the crowd grew louder and louder. I could see the dame of Hogwarts (otherwise known as the Head Girl and my ideal) talking casually with her friends. I could see the Marauders (everyone knew they were troublemakers but no one had any proof it was them) talking with Snape? Oh no, that can't be good. I had always liked Snape, sure he could be a great prick sometimes and, truth be told, the only time I heard attacks on my heritage was when I was hanging out with him. It seemed he was the only one who could give me a run for my galleons at potions. But, he was so sincere and kind, like he'd do anything just to see a smile or a wave. He has a gooey heart, I've decided. Like apple crisp.

Hogwarts was my home now, not Spinner's End. My mother and father loved me, yes. But they could never provide this type of atmosphere for a growing teen witch. My sister, well she was a different story. Let's just say, she used to love me. Then I got into Hogwarts.

Marlene came up behind me. She's always a sight. Always trying to be different, to defy stereotypes. She was wearing the Hogwarts uniform as is expected (McGonagall would have our guts fed to Mrs. Norris if even our ties weren't ironed). Last week she put henna tattoos all up and down her legs (McGonagall freaked anyway). Mom had sent me this kit for henna in the owl post (apparently it's the new muggle thing to do-get high and paint yourselves. Mom's obsessed with keeping me trendy in the muggle ways. I kinda suspect that she hopes I'll get a decent muggle job when I get out of here. She's a diehard Catholic who reads way too much Daily Prophet. She's even got a subscription). Marlene usually loves all the muggle toys. "They're so inventive!" is her usual response.

Marlene goes "Hey Lils," looking almost diabolical with her tattoos. Circe only knows what's going to happen when she realizes that muggles have ink tattoos as well.

"Have you seen the Evening Prophet? It's absolutely terrible. Can't that Skeeter woman put one tear in her eye when she talks about deaths? It's all 'another muggle family died today. That's three this week'. I mean, she knows the wizarding community is responsible. No one can die of fear. That's ridiculous." I was on my soap box again, I knew it. But that woman made me mad. If I open it one day and it'd have been my family that was just-another-victim I'd flip shit. I don't know what I'd do. Probably sneak into the Slytherin dorms and stab everyone in their sleep. I'd enchant the purebloods to choke every time "mudblood" was murmured-Merlin, the whole house would be dead in a week. I'd take all their cats and... well, maybe I'd pity the cats. I can't much stomach the idea of killing poor defenseless animals. Plus, all that gore.

Marlene was sympathetic, "I know honey—hey! Clam chowder for dinner!" So she's also a scatterbrain. What of it?

I knew almost everyone in first year, but I could only really identify with her. She's my best friend through and through. I don't know what life without her would be like. Ick, now I'm getting all sentimental. Look what you did, this is so out of character for me.

...

Next chapter: 7 years post hogwarts!

Please review and tell me what you thought (good and bad) =P

hugs and chocolate,

thestoicwarrior


	2. Bloody Men

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

Chapter 1: Bloody men

"MARLENE! Have you seen my green blouse??" I yelled throughout the loft.

"No! I thought you wore that yesterday though," Marlene managed as she entered my room.

"I did, but it looks fabulous with my white skirt and I've got a date tonight."

"How come you always score the hot wizards?"

"Oh stop being sore missy. Come, help me find it."

We lived in downtown London. Alright, so the loft wasn't very fancy, nor was it even a magical apartment complex. That only meant we had to be careful with using spells and keeping the window shades up. Its enjoyable here.

I finally managed to find all of my outfit and Marlene even did my hair. It was mostly up with a few pieces hanging down in soft, auburn ringlets. It looked gorgeous.

This date, just like every other one since Hogwarts, I was bound to make work. He had to be the one. Before, in Hogwarts, I didn't date to see who I'd marry, but now it seemed as though I don't have much time left. It seemed as if all the good guys had been taken. After all, it has been 7 years since graduation.

I was applying the last bit of stay-forever witches lipstick (Magic make-up is not all it's cracked up to be. It will probably take me ten minutes of scrubbing with magic remover cloths to get the damn stuff off) when the doorbell rang. This was it. I knew it. Nothing could go wrong.

...

How very wrong I was.

Today sucked.

Sure, he was sweet and even brought me flowers. But how more stereotypical could you get? The only questions he asked me:

"So what do you do for a living?"

This one I knew well, "I invent different potions with the ministry."

"Interesting. So you just combine random ingredients and see what happens?"

Yes sir, that's exactly what I do. A little frogspan, some whiskers from an all black cat, some guts of a fish I found in the great lake. Then, I cross my fingers and hope it doesn't explode. If you think my job is bad, you should see the poor wizard we test everything on.

But I said, "No, I usually figure out what I'm trying to make and which ingredients have properties for that desired result. You also have to figure out if certain ingredients react differently when combined."

"Interesting," he was not interested at all.

He then talked about his job, "I work with the blah blah blah. It's all very interesting."

Okay, so that's not really what he said, but he might as well have.

"So do you come to this restaurant a lot?"

"Oh I love it here," I responded. "My roommate and I come all the time. Sometimes they'll have live bands set up over in the corner," I pointed to emphasize my point (I was determined to make this night more 'interesting'), "and everyone gets up and dances and sings. It's great."

"Interesting."

I swear, if he says 'interesting' one more time, I will back hand the bitch. No questions asked.

The rest of the time he just talked about himself. Turns out he does mostly paperwork stuff for the ministry. Department of Magical Awareness. Whatever that is. (I pretended that he really was an unspeakable and 'magical awareness' was his cover up. But alas, I knew that could never be.) Boring work for a boring man.

Really, by the time I left, I wanted to sob. He was terrible. What is wrong with me? How do I find all the wrong men? Or maybe it's me that's wrong and I just find guys like me?

I'd always figured I was relatively pretty. Auburn red hair, emerald green eyes, nice girly hips which lends to nice girly curves. You know, girl stuff.

It just seemed like lately I was having a tough time being okay with myself. What is it about this society that makes women question how they look?

So what did I do?

I left, told him thanks for the date (paid for it myself, thank you very much) and informed him I would show myself home. I don't see what the point in making him think I enjoyed tonight was. Then he'd be owling me and dropping by my department. Best to just cut it off clean. Or not clean, but hope he wasn't such a halfwit he didn't get the point.

Bloody men.

It seems every date has me more and more lonely. Utterly and completely lonely.

Every date I compare him to my last boyfriend it seems. One from 7 years ago. I really should just let him go.

Any guy would be better than someone who left me how that guy did.

Bloody men.

...

hugs and chocolate,

thestoicwarrior

reviews?


	3. The New Black

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

...

Chapter 2: The New Black

So we've all heard that bullshit, black is the new black. Which, I don't really understand why you'd have to replace one color with the other color. (I guess this is why I sit in a lab all day and mix potions instead of writing for Witch Weekly.) But anyway, black is in. Black robes, black decorations. It's almost like everyone's trying to fit that muggle stereotype where witches equal black and purple. (Again, the irony where so many wizards hate muggles but abide by the same natural laws as them.)

It's not just your average day citizens that are wearing black robes either. Death Eaters do, too. Which, by my lacking fashion sense, I can even tell you that hoods, masks? Big no if you ever want a date. How unattractive. You'd think You-Know-Who would be somewhat aware of this.

Yeah, I'm chicken-shit. (Don't I know it.) But seriously, the only person who calls He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named by his real name is Professor Dumbledore. I'd been to enough Head meetings in my day to know that Dumbledore could do that without even thinking about it. No flinching, no regrets. I always thought he seemed a little disappointed that the Head Boy and I couldn't do it, too. I don't think that made us bad role models though. Yeah, we were scared. But people are dying left and right. Everyone was scared. Everyone is still scared. If you aren't, I'm not sure that's such a safe position to be in. Not only does it make you vulnerable to him (he likes to hand pick his victims to make sure everyone knows his 'power'), but it makes the Ministry suspect you for being involved in Dark Arts.

Not like half the Ministry isn't anyway. I bet most of the top officials are Death Eaters. It's a safe bet these days.

But back to my original point. I was flying around last night after my terrible date and what do I see?

Lots of black robes.

I immediately dodged behind a nearby tree and into the branches, better to be in the air than on the ground I suspect. True, I'd have to fall a few paces out of the tree before I could start up flying again since I had no ground to leap off of, but it's better than hiding out on the ground where woodland creatures can stomp all over poor me. (I was at the pity-myself stage. Which is almost equal to the wet-myself stage.)

All I could hear was laughing. And lots of it. How creepy.

I was shaking by then. I should know better. I shouldn't be out alone at these times. Especially at night in the middle of... bloody hell. Where was I? I'd totally lost track of everything.

Shit shit shit.

I wish I had some way to contact Marlene. Let her know what's happening. Or, hell, I'd even contact Dumbledore. I haven't seen him in a while, but if he knew where I was, I'd feel so much safer.

I was starting to panic.

Suddenly, I saw all the black figures rise into the air on brooms. Double shit._ I_ was in the air. This was _my_ safe haven. Maybe I should climb down to the ground now?

Then I noticed balls being thrown around.

I wanted to smack myself in the head. Here I am, hiding out in a tree freaking out about a bunch of teenagers playing Quidditch. I couldn't believe it.

I was still shakin up pretty badly, so I immediately headed home. Maybe Marlene would get a kick out of this when I told her.

...

Except, Marlene wasn't home when I got there.

However, there was a note for me.

_Dumbledore owled._

_He wanted to see us both tonight._

_I went over to Hogwarts to see what he wanted._

_I'll be home later to tell you all about it._

_Kisses._

I was a little aggravated by then. While I'd been hiding out in a tree, I was missing a meeting with Dumbledore. Which is odd. I haven't really talked to him in 7 years. Yeah, I'd seen him a few times at the Ministry, but one can't have a decent conversation there. Especially not with Rita Skeeter always lurking around corners. And potential Death Eaters.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if Rita Skeeter was a Death Eater. She's nefarious enough for it. (Okay, so I really just don't like her. She put all these articles in the Daily Prophet when I'd gotten Head Girl. Most of them just claiming about how muggleborns never get Head Girl. Which obviously isn't true since I got it. The other articles were all just a load of shit about how I couldn't stop weeping over my newly-appointed position and how I probably only wanted it to get near the Head Boy, James Potter. As if. I couldn't even stand the prick back then. Well, still can't.)

So reluctantly I went to bed. Who knows when Mar was going to get back?

...

I was abruptly woken up about six in the morning.

Which would be fine if my alarm had woken me up. Or if I'd gotten enough sleep (instead of turning in my bed thinking about Death Eaters all night).

So I got out of bed wondering what woke me up. A door slam? Someone falling?

Marlene it turned out had just now gotten back. What a long meeting.

She muttered a quick "Dumbledore wants to see you tonight. Don't make any plans. Goodnight love." She looked beat.

Physically beat, emotionally beat, magically beat.

I wondered if I even wanted to go see Dumbledore after seeing her like this.

But, as always, I trusted him with my life. He'd always known when something was up during my seventh year (which was when I got to know him more). He'd send James and I little notes to warn us about upcoming gossip in the paper we might be prone to. He'd helped James out when his parents were brutally murdered by You-Know-Who. We'd all tried to help him out but it seemed Dumbledore was the only one would could truly empathize with him. Not even the rest of the Marauders could (Yes, I eventually found evidence that it was them four. Well, mostly Potter just told me. We'd gotten pretty close in seventh year).

So finally after mauling over different reasons Dumbledore might want to see me (maybe he'd finally accepted a position in the Ministry as everyone said he's been declining for a while) I winked back out of consciousness dreaming about Dumbledore feather flying right along with a herd of hippogriffs.

...

Mar left early in the morning. She was all "be there by six, here's the flo address." That's it. No, oh by the way, this is what it's about.

Yeesh.

So I pretended it was some top secret meeting.

That was until I got there.

I flo in and it's just Dumbledore sitting at his desk, "Ahh you're here. We can start now."

So I sat down across from him.

Same room, same Fawkes, same Dumbledore. He did look a bit older though.

And very serious. Which is when I realize, this must be a very serious meeting. No muggle sweets are out, no typical Dumbledore jokes, and I kept coming back to Marlene just leaving. Maybe this was top secret. She never just leaves. She always has some best friend gossip or "Your outfit doesn't match, silly" to tell me.

I wonder if she's got a secret relationship.

Hah, that's as likely as her sleeping with Professor McGonagall.

It looks like the war has gotten to Dumbledore. Not that he has a front line position in it (that's what I thought then) but his students must be having a terrible time. That must get to him. All the kids being pulled out of school, all the parents owling in, all the murders of innocent people. We live in bad times.

Not that anyone needs a reminder of that.

But apparently Dumbledore thinks I do and tells me so, "The war effort isn't well. The negotiations aren't settled and the front lines are caving. As a muggleborn you've always been well aware of the situation as I recall so I won't bore you with details. So without further ado, we would like to ask you a few questions about your position in the war."

Which is about when I realize we're _not _alone in the room.

The room is packed with people and I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.

...

Tell me what you thought!

Next chapter, find out what the meeting is all about and even meet some new people (particularly the Marauders).

Hugs and chocolate,

thestoicwarrior


	4. A Glamour and a Prick

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

...

Chapter 3: A Glamour and a Prick

A glamour. That's what I'd missed. All the people in the room were well hidden, so well that I could only see parts of them out of the corner of my eye. I wondered if I knew anyone. I wondered if Mar was one of them. I bet I could have used one swipe of my wand and cleared everyone of the charm. Hey, I wasn't picked Head Girl for nothing. But I was still too weirded out about this whole meeting that I didn't want to upset anyone. Especially Dumbledore, for I trusted him with my life.

He apparently trusted me too. He was asking me to join the war effort. Me!

"First on the list is the standard. Why would you be willing to join the effort?" he asked looking down at his sheet of questions. I bet he had the list memorized by now. I could also bet my wand that I'd be here a while, if Marlene's late arrival last night was any indication.

"As mentioned earlier, I'm a muggleborn. Which is not something that anyone can help or should be ashamed of. And I know what it's like to have a friend's parents lost to You-Know-Who," I said as I realized this was a lie. Potter was definitely not my friend anymore. So I'm a nervous liar. Avada me. "I know what it's like to have see the misery on everyone's face as a black owl comes in with a letter from the Ministry. No one enjoys pain. And no one should have to deal with pain. If there is some big bad, we need to counterbalance it, fight against it until he is obliterated because no one deserves the power to take lives and murder innocents. I might not have known about this Order thing 24 hours ago, but I can be 100% committed to this organization. And I know I've got the skills, especially in potions and charms, and so I want to use my skills to be apart of this counterbalance."

So sometimes, I can be long winded.

Murmurs went up throughout the room when I'd finished. There was one nearby that was so familiar. I knew I'd never be able to place it though, not with the glamour still on. Still, it helped knowing I knew someone here. Even if I didn't know who I knew, you know?

As nervous as everyone made me, just seeing the twinkle in Dumbledore's eye made me feel at ease again.

"So I guess we should skip what skills you have since you have already answered that one," he was laughing at me. Perhaps mocking me even a bit.

The questions kept coming.

And coming.

And coming.

With each question, more murmurs.

I was starting to get used to it as an hour faded away. And suddenly we were done. I guess Dumbledore saw my shock and went, "I presume you thought we'd be here all night?" God, I swear that guy is a mindreader.

I made a mental note to ask Marlene where she'd been all night.

Tons of cookies and punch appeared on the desk. Everyone took off their glamours.

"Welcome, to the Order of the Phoenix," Dumbledore announced.

I guess I passed.

I looked around and could see Marlene talking with Alice. Good ol' Alice. Alice had her new boyfriend, Frank, with her, who I'd met twice before. I was on my way over to say hello when Remus caught me by the arm, "Oh don't think you can just skip away without saying hi to everyone else."

"Remus!"

"How have you been lately? I haven't heard from you in years."

Oops. My bad.

"Okay as can be expected. I've been in the process of making a potion I'm sure you'll enjoy."

"Oh?"

"You'll be the first to know when it comes out, I guarantee. In fact, I'm sure you'll like it so much, you'll use it every month." I winked at him. He knew what I was talking about then. Wolf-y potion. What I didn't know was if he knew I also came up with the idea of the potion, using him as my inspiration.

"So Flower, any new boyfriends I should be aware of?"

He just had to bring that up, didn't he. I refused to answer, "Wow, I haven't been called Flower in years!" Seven in fact. Not since...

When you speak of the devil, he always know. I bet he has little minions who listen for his name in conversations. Probably pixies, that's what I'd use. My evidence: he choose that moment to come up and talk to me.

"Hey Flower how have you been?"

"Good, how is being an auror?" I asked as I saw Remus slip away. Damn him, leaving me here with Potter talking about something I certainly couldn't stand.

"Well, can't trust half the crew anymore, but work is fun."

"Always the daredevil aren't you," I said. I hope that's not flirting. I could hear a little hitch in my voice when I'd said it. I hoped he'd miss that. I mean, he did look quite sexy. Jeans and a tshirt and ohmygod I am not thinking about Potter that way. Not again. Never again.

He seemed to think I was flirting if that clairvoyant grin had anything to do with it, "You know me Lils."

I'd had enough. No more pet names. No more grins. He was done with me seven years ago and I was done with him today. Especially as he stood there with that (non) sexy grin on his face. Merlin, I had to leave. (And maybe take a cold shower.)

"Look, I really think I should mingle with everyone else..."

"Oh, of course Lily," he said with a hint of regret.

I hope he regrets every day of his...ohmerlin! He'd heard me mention he was a friend earlier! When I talked about his parent's deaths! He better not think I forgive him. Or that I can even stand the sight of him (ok, that was a lie). I suddenly had an urge to puke everywhere.

I scurried away before I upchucked all over Potter's shoes (not that he wouldn't deserve it) to go meet some people I didn't have a past. I had this vague feeling of guilt just from talking to him again. Like I was giving my body some hope of him when I knew in my head, I would never date him. Ever.

But that was all it took. I couldn't get him out of my mind. Not all that night. Not all the next week. All I could think of was how much I hated him and how much I didn't hate him and how much he aggravated me.

How arrogant he was.

How cute he was. No! Not cute. I meant frustrating. Yes, that was it.

I hoped I'd never have to talk to him again. That pig, always worried about breaking rules and upsetting peoples' lives.

What a prick.

...

hugs and chocolate

thestoicwarrior

review, please


	5. A Somber Experience

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

...

Chapter 5: A Somber Experience

The meeting was to be held the next week at the Bones' household. They had apparently been holding all of the meetings there for a few months. Because the Order had such an intimate status, meetings occurred around midnight when people were off of work and kids had been put to bed.

Midnight is when all the action is during the weekend; it's when dance clubs are hopping and potion bars are bringing in cash flows.

Midnight is no problem for a 24 year old such as me.

So midnight rolled around and I dressed is a sexy, slinky black shirt and jeans. If you had asked me why I dressed up for the meeting I would have said "first impressions" or some crap like that. You would have said "but you already made a first impression" and I would have responded something like, "Yeah, but now I need to prove that I can do everything I said I could". Which, apparently, involves looking sexy while doing it.

The whole conversation I would have denied dressing up to impress certain people. Actually, I still do.

Marlene came into the room to see if I was just about ready to go. I was. But I wanted to talk to her alone a bit. It had been a while since we had a serious talk. So, I applied some more mascara on and asked, "So Marlene, where were you the other night until 6 in the morning? The meeting didn't last that long did it?"

"No, I went out to the bar with some of the people from the Order in our graduating class. I don't like how I lost touch with everyone so easily. I miss them."

It was unspoken, she got drinks with the Marauders and Alice and Frank. Maybe even the Prewetts. The same people I had stopped hanging out with because it made my heart break all over again just to see them.

She was my best friend, so she supported me and didn't hang out with them anymore. If I wasn't going to see them, she wouldn't either. Not that she ever hung out with the Marauders a whole lot, but even Alice and her drifted apart because I never wanted to leave my room (and my bowl of comfort ice cream) to hang out. So Mar and I always just stayed in.

And now she regretted it. I was glad she was such a good friend to me to be so selfless, but mostly I was disappointed in myself for not noticing what she needed. She's a people person. She needs a huge variety of friends to hang out with, which I had unintentionally put a stop to by neglecting to hang out with them myself.

I gave Marlene a huge hug.

About ten minutes until midnight Marlene and I apparated out of our apartment onto the front lawn of the Bones' quaint little cottage. At least, that's what was supposed to happen.

We weren't the only one who had decided to come early. There was half a dozen other members milling around the house.

A ruined house.

I could feel Marlene shiver next to me. She looked over at me to see how I was taking the sight.

But all I could think was "dark mark" and "why them?" and "why anyone?".

There were boards hanging off the windows that were once shutters. The house had been set to fire and one whole side was torched. Windows were shattered. Through the windows I could see the furniture all torn up and wrecked like a tornado had come through just their house. The dark mark was like liquid in the sky, a constant reminder of what could happen to you if you didn't do what the bad guys wanted you to.

I didn't know Edgar Bones. I had met him over some punch the week before during my initiation. He had seemed jolly and full of life. I'm sure he was loving and caring and dedicated. He had that aurora about him. I saw Potter levitate his body out of the house on an invisible stretcher, his face looked scared right before he died. Petrified almost. That haunting expression stuck with me.

I wondered if we had all been there, if we would have been a force enough to stop it.

Somehow word had gotten out about the Order and about where they met. What I didn't understand was how they got that information without getting the date or the time of the meeting. Surely the Death Eaters would have come a bit later and killed every single one of us if they knew.

Or maybe they were just next on You-Know-Who's giant list of who to kill.

Just then, the situation got a whole lot more real for me.

We would be targeted and eliminated for being in the Order. Hell, I'd be targeted anyway for being a muggleborn. What a harsh war.

Because that's what it is, war. It's not some silly crime from a thug or some silly politics that got out of control. This is a full blown out war with treachery and bad guys and everyone else not being able to sleep at night.

After evacuating Mr. and Mrs. Bones and their children (the poor small bodies!) everyone had showed up by then and was submerged in a somber mood. As can be expected. I was fidgeting with my ring, my nails, anything to keep my hands busy. Mar was staring off into the void (though it looked like she was staring at Peter's crotch).

It was clear the Death Eaters were long gone, so we all came to circle around Dumbledore and see what what needed of us. And more importantly, to find some solace with each other.

I suddenly felt overdressed. Here, the Bones' were taking their last breaths and I was worried about which shoes to wear.

"After such misfortunes as we have experienced tonight, I believe it would be wise to convene this meeting at a later time. The, ah, funeral will be soon. I hope to see you all there." The twinkle had vacated his eye for the time being. He seemed to be deep in thought just like everyone else.

I didn't want to be the one to say what was on everyone's mind, but someone had to do it. I spoke slowly, "I don't know if now is an appropriate time to discuss this but, umm, where will we hold the meeting next week?"

Dumbledore didn't answer. I got the feeling that he didn't consider himself the leader of this group even though everyone else clearly did.

He looked around at everyone as if asking if their place was alright.

No one wanted to end up like the Bones'.

I knew some of the older couples were worried about their children while others were worried about their neighbors and what might get leaked if a bunch of 'pops' happened outside their suburban house at midnight once a week. (Apparation is banned inside the house we'll use to ensure safety of the family living there.)

I suspected we were one of the only choices. Marlene realized this too. She looked at me, so I spoke up again, "We can meet at our apartment. It's in a muggle neighborhood, but won't be hard to put a bunch of wards up, we've already got a few in place."

And that was that. We all turned to head home after a long night.

Potter came up to talk to me, "Hey Lils, thanks for volunteering your place. After tonight.... Well, I know that takes guts. I don't know how I'm going to get any sleep tonight. If you and Marlene want to join us, the guys and I will probably go get some coffee."

I just stared at him. Coffee was the last thing Marlene and I needed (and him too if he was going to try to get some sleep). I let him see into my eyes, see that I was worried and frightened and thinking about 101 things. He seemed to get the hint and didn't pursue conversation with me any further.

I stiffled a yawn. Maybe midnight was a tad bit late for me too. For a Wednesday night at least. I hoped I could at least get a few restless hours of sleep. Maybe I'd take a dreamless potion tonight.

I looked at Marlene, ready to go. She seemed worried about me. Maybe I was just too readable. Truth was, I was scared. This is not a time for muggleborns it seems.

For the second time that night, I turned towards Marlene and gave her a huge hug.

...

thanks! review!

thestoicwarrior


	6. Nightmares and Flowers

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

...

Chapter 5: Nightmares and Flowers

Robe, check. Wand, check. Shoe...oh hell. I was definitely going to be late for work. I grabbed my wand hurriedly and jumped down the hallway on one barefoot. Stumbling over a cat toy (Melaka couldn't just go play outside or torture the neighbor's dog or something?), I grabbed the wall for support with one hand and pulled out my wand with the other. Now that's some talent.

"Accio Heel!" I made sure to picture it clearly in my head. Wouldn't want all of Marlene's heels to come flying at me. Today had already been bad enough. And it was only eight in the morning.

I threw on my heel and apparated to the ministry.

It was five minutes past eight, which wouldn't've been such a bad thing if it wouldn't take me ten minutes to wait for an open lift, wait for other witches and wizards to get off at other floors, and then finally come to the twelfth floor.

I swear, one of these days, I'm just going to bring my feather and fly up to the twelfth floor. Hecate knows it'd be faster. I'd have to make sure to wear pants though.

Fifteen minutes past eight, I rushed into the lab. No office work today, I was to the testing phase of my new potion. Yesterday I had attempted to test it and it blew up everywhere. All over the ceiling and my clothes and my new shoes.

My coworker, Severus Snape, looked over at me. (Is it just me or does he always have that look in his eyes—the one a little kid gives his mother--when he looks at me?) I shivered at my own thoughts.

Snape said, "Don't worry about it. Boss man seems to be in a cheery mood today. He probably won't say much."

"Good, I don't think my stress level can put up with 'Timeliness is next to godliness'," I mocked our boss. "You wouldn't believe my morning."

As I gathered ingredients, I told him about it. I left out the part where I had stayed up late last night cleaning and fretting over the Order meeting at our loft that is set to happen tonight.

I did, however, tell him about my awful dream. "I was so wrapped up in my dream this morning, I never even heard Mar get up. I ended up getting up late. It's the first time I've had this particular dream. I dreamt that I went over to mum and dad's place. We were on our way to lunch, Petunia driving and the rest of us riding along. Which, would never happen. Petunia would never get in a car with such a 'freak'."

A feeling of regret washed over me, which I soon repressed (for fear Snape might see it on my face, he'd never understand, I think I'd feel bad if he tried to empathize for me).

"Anyway, we're driving along a windy road behind another car when suddenly the road twists sharply and right beyond the curve is an overflow of water. The whole road looks like it just disappears into a swamp. Pet slams on the breaks, barely avoiding it. But it was too late for the first car."

I heated up my burner and drew out a small cauldron. I crossed my fingers hoping nothing would blow up today. This has to work today or my job could be questioned. I've been working on this one forever. As I was tightening my apron (don't want guts of rat splashing on my new skirt) I looked over at Snape. He was chopping some foreign ingredient he'd ordered from a dragon keep up in Norway. He seemed completely enthralled in my story. Which, sorta excited me. I know I have friends, mostly just Marlene, but having someone listen and be interested in everything you say is always a wonder to me.

So I kept telling him my dream, "We all got out of the car (a little sore from the sudden stop) and rushed over. I peered into the side window and saw a twisted face all torn up from the seat belt."

Snape looked a little confused, "Seatbelt?"

"You know, to hold you into your seat in a car. Um I guess you don't know... Petunia, all shaken up, drove back up the road to the store at the corner to borrow their telephone and call an ambulance. Medical muggle people," I elaborated.

I sprinkled in some black cat whiskers into my boiling mass of ingredients. It made me wince, talk about animal abuse at its finest. Trust the ministry to harm cats, house elves, dragons, any living creature they can get their greedy little hands on.

But I had no choice, black cats have magical properties about them, plus cats are very wise. I want people like Remus to be able to keep their human minds while their bodies transform into viscous creatures. I'd have to simmer the potion for 24 hours in order to get the whiskers to soften up and the magic in them to break down and mix into the rest of the potion.

"I just can't get over that vivid image of the man's skin ripped off his face and blood sinking into the water. He was dead fast. Humans are so vulnerable to death. One little thing goes wrong and your heart stops pumping blood. Plus with Voldemort..."

Snape definitely saw that look on my face. I was thinking of the Bones' being carted out of their own house. Or what was once their house. Now who knows what will happen to it.

"Lily, trust me, you don't need to worry about Voldemort. Yeah, he's a big threat, but he wouldn't dare sending a puny death eater out on such a strong witch as yourself. You could probably take down three at once." Oh sure, Voldemort'd just come himself. That was very comforting.

I didn't ask how Snape knew what Voldemort would or wouldn't do. Sometimes it's better not to know. So instead, I told myself "yeah, it's obvious, no death eater out for my wand."

I wasn't phased.

The meeting was tonight. I wondered how many months I'd last. The Bones' only lasted three.

I wonder what my gravestone would say "Head Girl, Best Friend, No Other Life Accomplishments".

I mentioned it to Snape. He's like my journal, I can spout things off and he just listens, happy to be there.

But I should have stopped being melodramatic. I knew it, but I just couldn't help it. It was nice to hear Snape be like, "Lily, you know you're a damn talented witch. You know everyone loves you. Head girl was a huge accomplishment. You're doing a job you love (even if the work is slow and you have to try the same potions again and again); you're living with your best friend. That sounds like a pretty good life to me." I couldn't tell if he was in awe of my life or feeling sorry for himself (his life does seem to border the boring side—all he ever talks about is potion making and books he's reading). His emotions are so hard to pick, I swear. But he's a good friend of mine, nevertheless. Always has been it seems.

Okay, I lied. Not always. There was a few times I refused talk to him for months back when we were at Hogwarts. Usually because he'd act all different or put me down if anyone else was around. I will not stand for two-faces. Especially around Slytherins.

I know I shouldn't think bad on Slytherins. Especially since, during my reign as head girl, I had to treat them with the same respect as everyone else (even though I suspected them to be slimy bastards). Now, I've just stopped worrying about how I judge them. According to Snape most of them are death eaters anyway. He'd know, he has to go to these big slimy Slytherin events for "prestigious wizarding families" and apparently everyone just boosts about their duty to Voldemort. Sounds like a dry party if I ever heard one.

I prefer fondue and maybe a little booze at my parties. Not Slytherins' egos.

Lunch time had arrived. I had still to hear from my boss on being late today, so I figured I was in the clear.

I didn't figure, however, that Snape would leave for lunch. He always stays to eat lunch with me. Unless I've got somewhere to be for the lunch hour.

To tell the truth I was a little disappointed he had left me to eat my turkey wrap all by my lonesome.

I didn't figure that, while spontaneously being out at lunch for the first time in probably forever, Snape would just so happen to walk by a flower shop.

And then walk in.

And then proceed to buy me a bouquet of lilies.

(Someone ought to tell him that lilies symbolize death. Way to go.)

"I hope you like them. It made me think of you and how horrible your day has been so far," Snape smiled (well, it was more of a lip curl).

I'm not incompetent. By any means.

I knew Snape went out to get them specifically for me. And I knew they weren't just for friendship. Not with that smile. He hardly ever smiles, even when he's happy.

But what do I say to him?

"Sorry but I'd rather be miserable and lonely since that's how I obviously come off to you"?

"Nice try, but flowers are tacky!"? (Secretly, I always do like a bouquet of flowers. Just usually not ones that symbolize what I'm stressed out about in the first place.)

Or maybe I'd just say thanks and ignore the gesture behind the flowers.

He spoke first, "Let me take you out for dinner. It'd get everything off your mind."

Order to the rescue. I had plans tonight. Not that I could tell him specifically that. Hopefully he wouldn't inquire.

"Actually I have plans with Marlene tonight. Thanks for the offer and for the flowers, though. They're lovely," I bent down to smell them. "But I really just need to be alone to think about all the things that are happening lately. Maybe meditate a little. You know how I'm not that interested in dating. I'm perfectly happy with Marlene and Melaka for evening company, really." I was rambling. As I'm prone to do from time to time. Plus, I just told him I'd rather hang out with my cat than him. Oops.

I knew I should have not been so melodramatic.

I opened my mouth to form more jargon but Snape was just like, "It's fine Lily, really. I am okay with your rejection. I understand how you think."

I swear I heard him growl, "Potter" in a low voice. But it could have just had something to do with my brain. Damn Potter for interrupting my thoughts. He's not even here and he can still do it.

"Thanks Severus. The flowers really do mean a lot," I smiled warmly at him.

He seemed to brighten up at that and started to clean up his work spot. It would probably take him forever to write up the report for his potion. Write-ups always do. I did not envy his afternoon. Rejection and paper work.

Give me an afternoon in McGonagall's class over that any day.

I guess things always seem better when put into perspective.

...

thestoicwarrior

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	7. An Unexpected Job

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

...

Chapter 6: An Unexpected Job

Marlene had just gotten back from work and was changing into something a little more comfortable.

I was conjuring chairs for the Order meeting. Since I had never actually been to one before, I wasn't sure what to expect. Much less, how to set up for it.

I had made some tea after work to offer everyone and there were a few pastries Marlene had grabbed in the morning while at the bakery.

"Melaka babe, you're going to have to stay in the other room when everyone gets here. I don't want you distracting us."

"Meow."

"Yes I know you never listen to me anyway. Just if you come in, don't attack anyone love. We don't want a repeat of that time with Petunia. Unless, of course, it is Petunia. Then attack her all you want."

"Meow," she batted a paw at me.

I kissed Melaka in between her little black ears and continued to duplicate the few chairs we had.

"Geminio. Wingardium Leviosa. Geminio. Wingardium Levios—ah!"

Marlene walked in and frightened me. Unfortunately for her, the chair fell out of the air and right on top of her. Oops.

A now very disgruntled Marlene said, "I was just going to offer help but I think I'll go sulk in my room now."

"Oh don't be sassy. You know I didn't do it on purpose." Even so, I could see a little red bump forming on her forehead. Maybe I'd skip out on mentioning that.

"Yeah, yeah," Mar muttered and stayed to help anyway.

I could tell she was just as nervous about everyone showing up as I was.

Dumbledore was the first to arrive. He came early to place wards around the loft. With my help, we produced a few strong, interweaving wards. Hopefully that would be sufficient enough in protecting us.

If a random wizard walked by, they would definitely feel the magic holding the wards together. You could probably feel the magic out on the street below. They were pretty sturdy.

By one, the meeting was well on it's way.

Every once in a while I would stop to offer another lemon pastry or some cherries.

"Well if you're offering your cherry you should have owled me before everyone else got here," Sirius smirked.

I swear, for such a melancholy guy, he sure is cocky. I've never seen him in a serious relationship. Though, I don't know if it's for lack of women he really likes or insecurities about himself.

I gave him a don't-even-suggest-it look. I was secretly blushing.

And then we were back on track.

"Did anyone ever find about about Arnold Peasegood?" Nymphadora Tonks asked.

"No, nothing solid. His rhetoric makes it almost dead obvious he's working for You-Know-Who, but we can't turn him in for that," Kingsley Shacklebolt offered.

"But if we could turn him in as a criminal, it wouldn't help since we'd be turning him into the hit wizard Alastor Gumboil, who is just as likely as Peasegood to be working for the dark side," Alice replied.

I know there's no such thing as honest politics, but honestly. Can't everyone try to be a little honest?

We were all quiet for a few long moments.

It was as if everyone was thinking about just how screwed we were. The people supposed to catch the badies were the badies. Tough life.

Remus seemed to be able to sort out his thoughts first, "As one of the most secret societies in the wizarding world, we ought to have spies to be able to gather evidence."

"We are currently working with one spy. For obvious reasons, this person does not attend meetings," Dumbledore informed everyone.

"Does this mean we have a Death Eater double teaming with us?" I asked. It seemed I wasn't the only one thinking it. It also seemed no one else really knew anything else about the spy if you looked at everyone's curious (and sometimes furious) gaze on Dumbledore.

Dumbledore had that twinkle in his eye he used to get every time I was in his office during seventh year. "He has requested anonymity on all matters and I have granted him such. However, I have not neglected to inform you all of information I have found out from him. I'm positive I wouldn't be able to get away with that in front of all you brilliant witches and wizards."

"Ah no need to flatter us Albus, we understand."

And it was true. Any one of us could be captured and tortured. We could be force feed Vertasium. It made me shutter to think of the nasty side effects of that potion. It seems we're just racking up the secrets though. What we need is a secret keeper.

"What we need is a ministry spy," Benji said.

We seemed to be on opposite wavelengths.

He continued, "Perhaps someone inside the ministry already. No not you Potter, you're too far into being an auror to ever be trusted by dark wizards. We need someone who doesn't work in any related department. Someone who can just listen in to conversations around the ministry. We need someone who seems vulnerable but is far from capable of handling himself."

"Or herself," I corrected. I know he didn't mean it, but come on. Can you say 'sexism in its most obvious form'?

All eyes turned towards me. Maybe I was the only person concerned with inequality.

Then I realized this wasn't about sexism. I had all but offered myself to be a spy. I fit all those descriptions. I was brilliant with charms, brilliant with listening, brilliant at potions. I work in the ministry in a low key position...

Bloody hell.

"Pastry anyone?" I was trying to hide behind my hospitality.

Gideon Prewitt would not be phased, "Lily darling, I know this is a lot to ask but..."

I was pretty sure I caught a glare from Potter sent to an oblivious Gideon, but I didn't know 100% because right away, Potter started to talk, "You can't honestly think Evans would be able to do this. This is the most important job of the Order. This is why we exist. We can't change anything without information. We can't get information without a spy. Maybe Sirius would be more well equipped."

Sirius looked like he was going to protest. He could do it, but not with his reputation of a Black cast out. We all knew that. Sirius didn't have to remind us.

I was stunned. Did James really think I couldn't do it? Was this what the glare was about? Does he think I'm that incompetent?

"I'll do it."

My voice sounded small. I realized this did not help my case about being able to handle such a big job. But at the time, I didn't care. As if Voldemort didn't have enough reasons to kill me already, I have to go and add one more.

Marlene looked over, very concerned. I shrugged it off.

That about ended our meeting.

I was going to need a drink after this. Screw cleaning up, that could wait until tomorrow.

Alice said, "If anyone wants to go to the bar, Frank and I are up for it."

Now we were on the same wavelength. I knew there was a reason I liked her.

...

That's it!

thestoicwarrior

Please review!


	8. A Sexy Dance

The Feather Tamer

thestoicwarrior

...

Chapter 7: A Sexy Dance

As everyone else left (pretty fast, considering it was 1:30am) Marlene said she wanted to go to the bar and see who all showed up.

She's such a people person, I just want to get so piss drunk I can't remember everything that happened today. When I looked back, it'd been a long day. I needed this.

We left the apartment, locking the door behind us. We both took out our feathers and got prepared for take off.

With three giant leaps we were in the air. There was a cool breeze, but over all, a very nice night. The bar wasn't too far away but it was still sufficient enough time to talk to Marlene.

"Mar. I'm worried. Do you think I can do this?"

I didn't have to tell her what we were talking about, "Of course you can Lily. You're probably the most clever one of all of us. Dumbledore wouldn't have let you accept if he didn't know beyond doubt that you can do it."

"But Potter said all those awful things about me when Gideon suggested it."  
"James is worried about you."

This struck me as odd. There was no way Potter could worry about anyone other than himself. If I hadn't known that before seventh year, I definitely knew it by the end.

I didn't mention it though, partly because we were almost to the bar and partly because I didn't know if Marlene would agree with me. And I didn't think I could take it if she didn't.

Today really had been that rough.

I thought about Severus again. Not only did he like me a lot (as was evident by today—or yesterday if you look at it technically) but now I was going to have to tell him I can't eat lunch with him in the lab anymore. From here to the end of the war, I am on spy duty.

...

Once we got inside, we could see a bunch of people we knew. Looks like everyone needed a drink. They weren't all sitting together but scattered around the drunk people. There were dwarfs and elves and wizards alike here.

The bar was unlit and musty and a little dirty; it seemed like the perfect place to be right now.

It wasn't a full blown potion bar (those were mostly little upscale places) but there were a few choices of potions here. Cowskin Martini, Dragon's Lair, and Eel Breath were a few I saw on the drink board. Most people thought the name was descriptive of the ingredients in the drink. As a potion expert I knew different. Most times, they were just named for the color or smell of the potion.

Potion drinks are easier to brew than you'd think. People don't expect it to taste good, they don't expect it to smell or look good. They just want to get drunk.

Drunk on magic. Very different from drunk on alcohol.

The magic ranges from a high to different feelings of the body to lapses in memory. There are some potions, like Brainwave, that just make you smarter. Which would be a good idea before a test or something, except for the fact that it kills millions of brain cells with just one swallow. You get dumber by getting smarter.

I once had to run safety tests on Black Toenails for work. It's a pretty nasty potion. Side effects include multiple personalities, feelings of your gut being ripped apart, and sometimes enough vomit to choke you. I had it taken off the market real quick.

I believe that's when Rita Skeeter called me a 'lonely coward, trying to make all of Britain as miserable as I am' in the Daily Prophet. Apparently she is a fan of dying on her own vomit. If you like the potion that much, brew it yourself (not that I'm supporting the brewing of illegal potions). I bet she couldn't even find out how to heat the cauldron though, much less brew a complicated potion.

I made my way over to where Remus and Marlene were sitting. Sirius and James were off to the side talking about what appeared to be a serious topic. They immediately stopped when I passed them and followed me over to where the rest of the marauders and Marlene were, all traces of seriousness gone.

Whatever.

Just get me a drink.

I ordered a shot of Firewiskey from the bartender.

"Eh why don't you get some Eel's Breath, potion master?" Peter jokingly asked me.

"I don't much fancy waking up on the ceiling tomorrow morning. I'd much rather wake up on the toilet," I joked back.

Sirius let out a chuckle, "That's my girl. Hey, red, you still up for some cherry activities?" There was a wink involved and a scowl from Potter. What a slug. Potter that is, not Sirius.

I took another shot of Firewiskey and managed (between the cringing—that stuff is horrid) to get out, "Maybe if I keep up at this rate!"

James spun on his heel and walked to the Prewitt brothers by an unfamiliar elf.

"Yeesh! What's his problem?" I asked.

Remus responded, "Don't mind him. He's a little moody sometimes."

"Well you should tell him to sulk less. He always just expects things to go his way. I'm sorry I can actually be of some help to this organization."

I could watch my mouth for anything (except sarcasm). Drunk, sober. It didn't matter. There was no way I was going to bellow out my new spying job to all the drunkards here in my tipsy state.

So I just took another shot. That made three in less than five minutes. That's all I needed too. The room was spinning. I grabbed Remus for support and slurred, "Let's dance. You and me," in what I thought was a sexy way.

Remus just laughed, but pulled me out to the dingy dance floor anyway. I'm not sure I would have stayed standing the whole time if not for Remus. I was leaning on him heavily. He was a little tipsy, but not enough to have his common sense stripped.

"So what's the deal with you and James?" I knew he wasn't trying to take advantage of my drunkenness, he was genuinely curious--I was more than okay with that. And mostly too drunk to notice I was talking about Potter.  
"He's a jerk. I'm the only one that will tell him that. That's it."

"He's not all that bad. But I'm sure you know that. Plus, you tend to hate him less when you're drunk. Why don't you try talking to him?"

"Woah Remus. Your face looks like two faces! And no. I'm not going anywhere within a broomstick's length of him. Especially not alone." I made a point to look repulsed by the very idea of his presence.

"It's your call, darling."

I could see he disagreed with my decision. So I shimmied out of his grasp and went over to Potter. I'd just have to prove to Remus how much of an ass I know Potter is, drunk or sober.

As I was asking Potter to dance with me, I could see Remus' look of surprise. Does no one think I've got it in me? First Potter thought I couldn't be a spy and now Remus thinks I'm too stubborn to talk to James. I mean Potter.

I could see Potter look over at Remus as if asking if he put me up for it. Which of course, he hadn't. He'd only brought it up.

Unless Potter was thinking that Remus put me up to pranking him. If only. He did look sexy in those jeans. I could tease him and leave him.

I shook my head. What terrible thoughts to have about Potter. Maybe I should just go home and pass out.

"So James," I pronounced his name like it was a big deal to call him so, like I was presenting a little kid with the largest sundae in the world, "What's been up with you lately? Tell any more girls they're inadequate?" I was half referring to his earlier display and half making a sting on our past.

He took it as the prior though and replied, "Look Lily, I'm really sorry about that. I made an ass out of myself and you didn't deserve that." I barely registered that the comment was about his reputation and not about me at all.

"What?" I was shocked, "You mean you think I can do it?"

"It's not about if you can or can't. It's about who you're hurting by doing such a dangerous mission," he said cryptically.

I was too drunk to follow, "So you do think I can't. And...Hey. This won't hurt Severus at all! I mean, he can certainly come to the center and eat lunch there with me. Most people at the ministry eat lunch there anyway. Plus, in case you're forgetting, it's kind of a secret mission. He can't even know about it."

"You and Snivellus go together?" James spit out.

"You're still calling him immature names? You spent seven years of your life doing that. Can't you show some consideration for someone else once in your life?" I viscously scolded. He took major offense to that.

Which, you gotta give him credit. He is dead loyal to his friends. And pretty proud about his heritage. But he's certainly a dick to girls and everyone else in his life.

I thought he'd storm away.

Or maybe yell at me.

I never thought he'd react as he did.

He seemed set on making me believe he can care for other people. And when I say care, I mean lust.

We had been dancing pretty far apart then. I was just moving, not really shaking anything in particular. But, at that moment, he crushed me into him and put his hand on my lower back. And when I say lower back I mean bum. As he moved against me in a determined fashion his hands drew over to my outer thighs to rub them.

Oh he was going to play dirty? I'm the master at dirty. It must be in my blood. (I mean, I do have the dirty blood. Every Slytherin I've ever met has told me so. It must be true.)

I started shaking my hips from one side to the other very slowly, seductively. Contrasting with his brash movements. I threw my hands in the air to imitate the moving of my body. I looked up at him, flaunting my neck cleavage, pouting my lips.

Slowly moving. Very slowly.

After a few beats of the music, I put one arm around his neck. Leaning my lower body into him and my upper body away (mostly holding onto him in support), I shook my pelvis against his nicely pressed jeans. They would not look nice anymore when I got done with him.

If the world had been spinning minutes before, it wasn't now. I couldn't concentrate on the world. All I was in tune with was James and his pants and our bodies. And showing him up.

I leaned in a bit to press my chest into his. To mold our bodies. We rubbed our bodies together for about a minute longer until the song was over. Revenge seemed to leave my thoughts, all I had on my mind was the ecstasy of the moment.

I was not done. I could have kept at this all night.

As if to call it a truce, James stepped away and bowed his head to me. Almost as if he were saying, "Well thanks for the dance. Have a lovely evening."

As if he wasn't just having an orgy on the dance floor.

I went to walk over to everyone else assuming he was following me. He wasn't. He'd left.

Sirius was still looking at the door James had just departed from, but everyone else had their eyes on me. I wasn't smiling any more than usual. Alice must have realized I wasn't going to talk, "You know, I think I'm ready to head home too. If I can apparate without splinching myself!"

Why had I grown apart from her again?

A chuckle raced through the group and everyone else was talking about getting home too.

Remus whispered in my ear, "What just happened?"

"Oh, just James telling me I'm inadequate. Calling Severus derogatory names. The like."

Really, I had no idea what had happened.

I did however know that what I had intended to happen didn't happen, something else entirely had happened. And I wasn't sure if what I had thought happened, had happened.

I was in too much of a drunk goofy mood to realize anything at the moment.

So Marlene and I flew home (the best way to avoid drunk splinching).

My bed was comfortably not spinning when I laid down (though the walls were not taking tips from the bed).

I imagined what James would be thinking about right now.

I imagined that he was all hot and disturbed thinking about me in a little cami and bikini style underwear. I imagined that he was laying on his bed pretending to watch me comb my hair with a brush and groaning in sexual frustration.

I had sufficiently erased my mind of today's events it seemed.

...

So, that took a completely different direction from what I had intended it to take. But that's okay, I kinda like what happened. A sassy Lily is a fun Lily imo.

Take care! And please review.

thestoicwarior


	9. I Scream, You Scream

The Feather Tamer

TheStoicWarrior

Chapter 8: I Scream, You Scream

Over the next two weeks, Severus and I had lunch in the centre almost everyday. Mostly the centre is just a cafeteria. But I guess if you call it a center spelled wrong then people will want to congregate there. At least that was the design.

Mostly just a design flaw now. Most people apparate off to Diagon Alley or home for lunch. But still, valuable information could be said and better hear it there than in the secluded lab. No one talks about anything interesting in the lab. Believe me, I know.

Last week, I told Severus that I had a lunch date (which isn't _that_ unusual) and flew off to Diagon Alley to roam around spying on people eating lunch outside. Only I had to skip lunch to do it. Wizards have no clue what the words "fast food" mean. Every time my stomach would rumble later that afternoon Sev would make a joke about my lunch date. He's too smart for his own good. I seriously don't know why he doesn't want to move up the corporate ladder. Or I guess it's more of a mystical ladder when we're talking about the ministry. Finally, I had to go home early to get something to eat. I was starved. Severus says he's going to accompany me on my next lunch date and make sure I eat well. So there goes that plan.

"Ready?" Sev asked me. Today we were going out for lunch. I wasn't exactly hopeful to find any information. The former-Slytherins are usually who I've been trying to sit next to at lunch. They're so involved in their scheming they don't even notice I sit next to them everyday. I know, I know I shouldn't discriminate against Slytherins because I'm biased. But good Hecate, who else would be vial enough, nefarious enough, heartless enough to do what Death Eaters have done? Plus, most all the Death Eaters that've been caught have been former Slytherins.

But anyway, nix on the information front. A lot of people in the Order kept saying things like "I'm sure you'll find some information soon" and "It's a hard job, you're doing fine Lily" or my personal favorite (for it's bluntness and condescending tone) "Maybe we should take you off the job, honey?" Or maybe that was just Potter saying that. God, Potter. What an incompetent berk. He's such a high auror but I bet he couldn't do any better than me. Makes me want to turn _him_ in for being a Death Eater. Or better yet, rip out those beautiful deceiving eyes. Can't anyone else see how he manipulates them? But noooo, its Potter this and Potter that. I think they should all just go sleep with him if they love him so much. Maybe I'd hex him to have herpes or problems getting it up. Would do good on his ego. Yep that's what I'll do. Next time I see him. No, next time he makes it seem like I can't spy well he won't even be able to walk well.

People only talk about so much. And if they don't talk about what I'm spying about when I'm around, it's pretty much useless. Maybe it's always been useless. But there's no way I'm giving up this job. Not when I think about my life at risk every day I spend in the wizarding world. Not when I think about Marlene and all the other people who love me. Well, mostly just Marlene. Not when I've got a chance to stand up for what I know is right. Not when Potter is telling me I can't do it.

Severus and I took off for our lunch trip to Diagon Alley. I hope he doesn't become suspicious and realize that at lunch, I don't really listen too hard to what he's saying. But at the same time, I'm glad he's suspicious enough to recommend eating out with me when he can tell I don't want to be in the centre again. Maybe it's the ugly wallpaper, but I can only stand the looks of that place for so long.

We ran into Emmeline Vance on our way into the streets of the little wizarding commerce town. Severus, intent on making sure I eat and mostly just gentlemanly enough to let me have girl talk with Emmeline, excused himself to go order food in the pub. (It's little things like that that make me wonder why I can't fall in love with him.)

I went to Hogwarts with Emmeline. She's a fairly nice girl and I'm almost positive dated Potter at one point. (I want to slice off his perfectly rounded ears and mangle those adorable thumbs of his.) Not that that makes her less credible, I've done the dirty myself. She's a year younger than me, but by now, age is really a useless measurement. She's my equal. Especially since she's in the Order risking her life just like me for the same reasons I am.

After the usual greetings I think she realized I was on the hunt for some information. We stayed mostly quiet strolling around the street. I hoped Severus wouldn't be too disappointed I haven't showed back up yet.

Every once in a while Emmeline would throw in a few sentences. Finally, she caught my attention on a subject worthy of note. "We're good right?"

Which I thought meant this strolling and not talking but then after inspection I realized what she was talking about. Potter. Of course.  
"Yeah, Emmeline. I don't know you very well. And I don't know what went down with you guys but I'm over it." I didn't know if I was lying to her or to me.

"I apologize if it's not my place but you seem lonely. I think you're an amazing, talented woman and I hate to see a friend in pain." I know we're not friends. Just acquaintances really, but it always makes you smile to hear that you're someone's friend.

She continued, "And gosh, this is really not my place, but I want James to be happy too. And he loves you, you know."

Boy was this lady on crazy pills. She shouldn't do charms on herself. Those things backfire. Try to get rid of your acne, give yourself hives. Try to perm your hair, frizzy ends. Magic isn't all what it's kicked up to be. I mean sure, want to add a room to your house, easy. If you have the supplies (which can be pricey) and know the tricky magic (which is even more pricey to hire someone to do). Not just anyone will magic up a room to your house. That takes energy. You'd have to recoup for days after that bout of magic. She should consider these things.

Or maybe stay off the drugs.

I know a good doctor she could call.

Luckily I was saved from having to answer her (or suggest the doctor) by Augustus Rookwood. Rookwood does not spend time in Diagon Alley, it's solely Knocturn Alley for him. I nodded towards him to show Emmeline that I was onto him. She got my message very clearly. We tracked him from a distance taking special attention to his body language. He felt out of place—that much was easy to tell. A man with such an ego never feels out of place. Something was up. I wished I knew a spell to place on him. Spells are my thing, maybe I needed to find a spell to record what he's saying. Or other spy type spells. There has to be some good ones. Maybe I should take this spy thing more seriously. Dumbledore might let me even use the restricted section. To think, my first time ever in that highly guarded section and I'm already well out of Hogwarts. (You did not want to try to sneak into that section and furthermore, you did not want to be on Madam Pince's bad side, believe me. Not that it'd ever happened to me but I'd seen her pissed off at students plenty.)

Following Rookwood, I realized he wasn't taking a straight path. It's harder to follow people through crowds when they're zigzagging. Not matter how good of protection crowds are for the stalkers, err spies. Looking up ahead I whispered to Emmeline, "I think he's following someone. Oh shit, look there." I pointed to emphasize my point.

Rookwood was going over to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor. (When do slimy Slytherins eat there? Okay, I guess all the time.) He sat down on one side by the corner bathroom. Out from his shirt sleeve he slid his wand and pointed directly at someone talking to Mr. Flortesean. Professor Dumbledore himself. Why Dumbledore would have an appointment to talk to Flortesean I had no idea. But I knew it wasn't good whatever was going to happen. Emmeline looked at me, actually worried. I had a plan.

We walked straight over to Dumbledore, "Professor! How very nice to see you!"

Emmeline caught my drift and in a very school girl manner squeaked, " I haven't talked to you in ages! I actually want to ask you about a job opportunity now that you're here. Are you busy?"

"Just visiting with an old friend. But I'd be happy to entertain you lovely ladies this afternoon. Some ice cream, my dears?"

Dumbledore knew better than to ask what was going on. He'd find out soon enough anyway. He always found things out. Plus, if Dumbledore was with us, there was no way he could talk to Fortescue about top secret stuff.

After consuming a double chocolate dragon's eye sundae I excused myself to head back to Severus. I think I'll just tell him I ran into Dumbledore and had a chat. Severus respects Dumbledore enough.

"You know, I think I ought to get back to my shopping. It's been nice visiting with you Professor and I hope to see you again soon," Emmeline responded after I stood up.

"Anytime you guys need anything just let me know. An old acquaintance should never be left to collect dust," Dumbledore said.

Man is he loony. But I do love him.

We walked the short distance back and found Severus waiting for us in The Leaky Cauldron. He'd eaten and been kind enough to order some wings and fries for me along with a pumpkin juice. What's a little more cholesterol huh?

We'd been gone a good hour but Sev didn't seem to mind (I should have taken him up on the date for being so sweet to me. Maybe.).

"How was your walk, ladies?"

"Interesting. Around here, the excitement never ends it seems." Emmeline and I shared a giggle.

Lunch with Emmeline is fun. We should do this more often.


End file.
